You know sometimes no matter how much work we do around heal our childhood wounds, something or someone will trigger us and bam...all those emotions just rush back in and the pain feels so raw and fresh. I've done lots of healing around my dysfunctional family and childhood abuse. Yet, here I am at 46, and I can cry and feel the pain and rush of emotions just as deep as if it all happened yesterday.
This week was one of those times...as I dealt with a family member who felt I should be able to rise above all this and forgive, despite the lies and dysfunction that continues still today. What I realized this week is that despite the fact I forgave my parents years ago and concluded that they did the best they could with what they had and knew at the time...and despite knowing or maybe a better word is believing that there are lessons to be learned during our time here and that some of those lessons present themselves in such painful ways...I still find it hard to stay in a place of compassion and love. When I forgave...I was the one who changed, the one that grew and moved past it all, but they are still who they are, and so the dysfunction continues...the lies they tell to enlist others to see their side as they play the victim are so hurtful and painful and I find myself having to defend myself and convince others to see and acknowledge me all over again. That's where I found myself this week...allowing others hurtful ways to make me feel unworthy and incapable of loving and being loved...and once again I feel so blessed to have Art in my life and be able to use it as a tool to heal.
After spilling out all my emotions on my page by journaling with my watercolor crayons and washing them away with my lavender spray bottle I am able to transform those feelings into a healing piece of art. As in my Heart spread here. After I painted this I realized that this was one of the images I often drew as a teen...a heart with wings. The words on this piece come from one of the song in Olivia Newton-John's album Grace and Gratitude. They spoke to me as I reminded myself that I am a child of the Divine and to trust that light that shines within me. The ability to create beautiful art as I release my emotions, is so powerful, so healing. I've always enjoyed journaling, but I don't care to revisit some of those writings that come through me as I work through my pain and feel those raw emotions. I rather release them and create beautiful art over top, transforming them into love and beauty.
Then I found myself celebrating my Mermaid side...Wild, Untamed and Free! I decided to paint her with a full on tail with glitter as scales and adorned with pearls! Of course, there are times when it's just the art that needs to come out without many words.
So, today after reading my wonderful Goddess Sister Lori-Lyn's post, from Dream Life Studio, (who I must say has been such a bright light in my life this year), "Where Are Your Guides When You Are Suffering? I gave birth to this Angel painting, to remember I'm never alone...a message I'm reminded of often by my Angels and Guides...since I never was cared for, as I should have been, when I was a child, I often find myself doing it all and doing it all alone, despite the fact that I have a wonderful and supportive husband, not to mention my Angels and Guides beside me. Much to often I forget that they are always there to support, comfort and love me unconditionally.
I have to share...that after she was finished I was in awe at how stunning she looks, just a little less then a year ago I started to paint faces and thought I never would be able to paint like this, in fact here's a picture of the first face I ever drew. Of course, practice makes perfect, but I also feel ever since I've embraced my art as a spiritual practice, a way to communicate and connect with my Angels and Guides it has shifted and has become more soulful.
On that note I want to share a few inspiring links with you. First, Dream Life Studios where you will find all the magickal offerings Lori-Lyn offers. I recently finish a wonderful, inspirational and magickal journey with Lori-Lyn, as she helped me explore ways of connecting with my Angels and Guides; through journaling, meditations, dream journaling and Reiki. Let me tell you it was such a powerful and empowering journey, she's is such a beautiful soul so full of light. She also offers to pull an oracle card for you monthly, for FREE! That's how I first came across Lori-Lyn she pulled a card for me on my birthday last year and I have loved all her inspirational posts ever since. Check out her site.
The other is Angels in My Studio eCourse offered by Sheri Ann Ponzi. Having been on a path of connecting with my Angels and Guides, this eCourse totally speaks to me. It's an art course with so much more to offer...Sheri has gathered a group of teachers, one of which is Tracy Verdugo, (whom I met through the Life Book), who will be sharing ways of deepening our connection with the Angelic realm through our art...Tracy, and I believe one other teacher, will also explore our connection with the Divine Feminine...AND...there will be monthly Angelic Attunments offered by Micheal Golzmane, an Angelic channeler and psychic healer. I don't know how I'm gonna make it happen, but I'm already working on manifesting a means to be a part of this Amazing eCourse!
There are two more eCourses that call to me...Soul Lodge with Pixie Campbell and Barefoot Breathing with Jackie. I met both of these beautiful ladies through my Goddess Circle each of these courses are connected to nature and mother earth and they sound awesome. Of course they too are on my list of must do this year ♥