Friday, June 25, 2010

Soulmates...or settling

Recently I had a discussion with some gals about soulmates, it had me thinking about relationships and choices I made in the past.  It also sadden me and surprised me to see that there are still some women who rather stay in a relationship despite their unhappiness.  Yeah, I too was raised in a strict Italian Catholic home were the fear of God prevailed.  In my first marriage I turned to my faith and prayed the abuse would end and stayed for as long as I could knowing the way I was raised that divorce wasn't a choice, especially after having children.  No one wants to break up a home and have their child grow up without the unity of family.  But lets face it, when you are married to someone where there isn't any love what are you telling and teaching your children? Or better yet, when you are married to an abusive monster...what are you teaching your children...that's it's okay to be abused, be it physical or mental?

It wasn't easy for me to brake my vows, despite how bad it was, but I did it not only for me but for my daughter. That's when I saw the truth about my so called faith, not only did I feel alone and scared but my own church shun me for my choice, as if I was being punished for breaking my vows, as too did my parents who were so disappointed in me.  Who, to be honest, are the perfect example of two people staying together for their religion and not their hearts.  Well, to those who choose that route, more power to them. I suppose there's a lot of pride that comes with doing so.  But for me that's not the path I chose and not the way I wanted to raise my children.  That's when I found the Goddess path, and realized how one sided my religion had been for years.  If I remember my bible studies, God didn't take a bone from Adam's foot to make Eve he took it from his side, to be his equal.  So, after being abandon by those I trusted most, I vowed that I never would allow a man to belittle me, or abuse me neither emotionally or physically again.  I would never settle for less than I deserved.  I know in my heart that God wouldn't want me to either. Choosing to find balance within my religion has also taught me to find balance in my life and relationships. 

Yes, I had my share of crappy relationships, and I'm sure it was a reflection of what I saw relationships should be by what my parents taught me.  But once I realized I didn't have to be like my parents and I did have a choice, things changed and my life opened up to possibilities I never new there was.  One of them was the possibility of finding my soulmate...and by soulmate I mean finding someone who you can share everything with, someone who's a part of you as much as you are a part of them,  someone you can feel safe with, be honored and respected by, while still feeling those butterflies and everything else that comes with truly being in love. I feel blessed I found my soulmate, and am blessed to be able to show my children what a relationship is like.  Most of all I'm blessed to see the woman my daughter has become, how open and welcoming to diversity she is and open to what life has to offer while being strong and powerful in her own way, what more could a woman who found the strength to leave a broken relationship, despite being abandon by her so called friends and family, ask for....

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