Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My Biggest Fat Lie!

Okay, those who read what I shared in my "Creating from a Place of Power" post, know that I've been dealing with some "stuff", negative talk and deep soul searching.  In other words I've been going through another dark night of the soul, or how one of my Goddess Sisters Demi calls it, I'm being visited by the Crone Goddess, check out her blog post for an interesting perspective on her.   Anyway, I ended that post of mine by stating " I'm ready.  I'm ready to let go of the fear and self doubt, I'm ready to listen once again, I'm ready to step into my power...bring it on!" Well, from past experiences and reading others walking in their power I've learned that when you ask, the Universe delivers and it come in fast.

The next day after I shared that post, it ended up on the Goddess Ipaper.  When I saw that, I was shocked, felt so exposed...but realized quickly that it was the Universes way of showing me it heard my request loud and clear.

I knew I was in a dark place again and knew I couldn't afford my life coach so I had to find a way of getting the help and support I needed anyway.  I found my way to some wonderful free offerings from some extraordinary people listening to Soul Art TV hosted by Laura Hollick, the World's Biggest Summit hosted by the amazing Goddess Leonie, which is still going on by the way, as well as the Big Fat Lies Summit hosted by Amy Ahlers.  Through those audios and videos, I felt the Universe was just showering me with inspiration, ideas and resources that I so desperately needed.  But most of all, through them, I was able to collect some priceless tools for my medicine bag to help me get through these "breakdowns".  Breakdowns which I found out today are blessings.

All the while as I listened to Amy's interviews I kept think what is MY biggest fat lie...trust me I could name a lot of them. But I wanted to know what was my biggest, thinking if I started there, it would make a huge difference in my life.  Then yesterday, Amy was gracious enough to re-release the first day of her Summit, which some of us had missed, due to email issues.  Anyway, that day she interviewed Sark...who I absolutely love, and enjoy her books so much and Lisa Nichols, best selling author who also participated in the Secret, and through this interview has become my Shero.  

While listening to those audios today it hit me...I got what my Biggest Fat Lie is!

Mind you I grew up in a very worrisome and negative home, there was abuse and a lot of anxiety.  I have struggled with this all of my life,  I even once had a friend tell me that they felt like they had to walk on eggshells around me because they did not feel safe sharing due to my emotions.  Goddess Sister Lori-Lyn share a powerful post on Healing Anxiety today that totally resonated with me.

What is my Biggest Fat Lie...I believed that once I did all the inner child work, shifted my perspective and learned the "Secret" about co-creating our own futures, and started shifting my life for the better, and creating miracles, I thought that I would never have to go through "shit" again, my negative talk would go away, I wouldn't be overwhelmed with stress or worry anymore, cos I thought that life would be sweeter and better and most of all I thought that "shit" wouldn't happen anymore.  That is my Biggest Fat lie.

But shit happened and every time it did, it shattered me more and more, until I lost my faith in love, I lost my way and thought (more big lies) I'm not good enough and I can't get there because of where I came from.

I learned that our negative talk will never go away, because challenges will always arise and that EVERYONE has negative thoughts/fat lies.  I also learned that these breakdowns will occur, it's what makes us human.  I learned when there's a breakdown, it indicates that we are stretching outside our comfort zone, stepping into a place of risking and growing, as long as we move through them. "Moving through" them being the key words.

Lisa says:  "When life happens and it will HAPPEN...instead of asking why me, ask what lesson am I being taught so you can learn it and move through it."  "You will never be given anything that will break you no matter how bad it is".  Now let me tell you, prior to doing the inner work I did, I've lived through a lot of bad, went though an abusive childhood and as an adult abusive relationships, found myself homeless with two little ones in tow and in financial distress and so no.  So, when I learned I could create miracles and co-create in creating the life I wanted, it's no wonder I thought I made it, my life could only get sweeter from there.  But I was wrong, we have to deal with our dark side and our negative talk/lies, on an everyday basis, we have to choose to learn our lessons and move through our breakdowns and resort to the tools we carry in our medicine bag to continue to walk in our power.

I'm sure all I've shared may not be new to some of you...but to me it was a major break through.  I know it's not going to be easy and I know I have much work to do.  But I'm grateful that I was able to be open to receiving and can continue to move through it.  I'm grateful for my circle sisters, who inspire me so much every day. Especially Sara, who hears and acknowledges me a LOT, and Flora who is holding the space for me to find the clarity I need.

I am so blessed.
 I choose to have faith in Love; I release my faith in fear  ~ Christine Arylo


  1. I went back and read your post about Creating from a Place of Power and then I read this post. You write eloquently about your inner journey. It's heartening to read how you are moving towards acceptance so that you can walk in power. You inspire me, Alluryn!

  2. Thank you Loran, for taking the time to read both long posts and for your wonderful words. They mean a lot coming from you who has inspired me so much this past year ♥

  3. This is a really beautiful post. Thank you so muh for sharing. I kick myself a lot and suffer with my anxiety, when I should be thinking, what is this lesson teaching me? xx

  4. Thank you dear Goddess Sister for this post, and for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable in your sharing. Beautiful!

  5. Thank you Maiden, we really are hard on ourselves, where we instead should be more loving gentle and understand, just as we are with our friends when they are suffering.

  6. Thank you Emmanuelle, for your support and acknowledgement.

  7. A beautiful post, Allurynn. I am always amazed that I have to get to a place where I feel I am bottoming out before any real change happens. But then it is from there that I experience real transformation.

    Also, as I just premiered my online business this summer, I have been listening to a lot of teleseminars. I have heard, over and over, speakers say that whenever they want to step up their business, even when it is from a six figure business to the next level, all of their issues come up and they have to work through them again. So, you are not alone. We are all doing this work.

  8. Thank you Linnette. That's another thing I heard in Lisa Nichols' audio from the Big Fat Lies Summit...that if you are not going through breakdowns, YOU are not living big enough. Thus we have to keep growing, creating and moving forward. Thank you for the reminder that I am not alone ♥

  9. Your post reminded me how we still think that we should be different than we are, a sort of super human (no fears, no shit, no negative selftalk) to be a Goddess.
    We still live on this earth and everything that comes with it. I think 'the trick' is, not to believe that our shit defines us.
    It reminds me of a quote "The dark does not destroy light, it defines it" Brene Brown
    We are not destroyed by our shit, but it will show how strong we are and the clearer our light shines.

    Thank you for writing it and to be brave to put it in the world.

    Love and light

  10. Thank for sharing that Aranya. I believe when we are brave enough to speak our truths and imperfections, we bring them to the light which helps us transform and grow.

  11. Oh Allurynn. I so appreciate your message here, and your bravery in sharing this. I go through this exact issue so often - like if I was doing this self development thing 'right', I'd leave my shit behind permanently. Thank you for saying that it is an ongoing process and practice. You made me feel like I'm not alone, and I'm so inspired by you! xoxo

  12. Thank you Marla, your words warm my heart, I'm grateful that my sharing, reminds you that you are not alone. So often we forget and think we are during those blessed breakdowns. ♥ back at you love!



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